April 2011

[The 5th of every month, I give a transparency report of how I’m doing.  This is where I tend to get very personal.]

April was a month of hope.  The month started with my wife and I in the Emergency Room.  We are expecting our first child and there were some…complications.  After the initial tests and examinations, the E.R.doctor informed us we were experiencing pre-term labor.  She was 4 months at the time, so it would have resulted in a miscarriage.  He said couldn’t confirm until he got the results from an ultrasound.

This is the 1st child for both of us, and we were completely devastated.  I’ve had the name for my firstborn daughter picked out since my early twenties (apparently that is unusual for a guy according to my friends, but that’s how I roll).  Since she was 18, my wife has only heard from doctors she couldn’t get pregnant due to a medical condition.

So lo and behold, she does get pregnant (such an odd phrase, “get pregnant”.  Like it’s something you catch like a cold or the chicken pox.) and it’s a girl.  The possible  sense of loss put a lot into perspective for me.

I thought a lot about hope, faith, and love.  I thought a lot about being positive.  In the time waiting for the ultrasound tech to come and observe a heartbeat, it all came to a head.  Either what I write here at life unrestricted is a bunch of woo woo feel good stuff, or it is real and full of substance.  Either I’m writing just to put words on your screen or I’m actually living this out.

Yes, I was scared.  Yes, I was upset and worried and freaking out.  But…

I knew things were going to be okay.  I said a prayer for myself, my wife, and our daughter.  I was clawing and scrapping to grab onto something real.  It felt like my wife and I were dangling in time.  No, this wasn’t a happy time, but hope grabbed onto us in the form of a VCU hoodie wearing ultrasound tech.  She performed the ultrasound and we saw our little girl’s heartbeat.  Wait…what just happened?  The ER doc came in later, confirmed that my wife was not having a miscarriage, but the possibility was still there.  He sent us home, putting my wife on bed rest and recommending we follow up with our high-risk pregnancy doctor.

The next day, we went to Richmond and saw our Perinatalogist (we are seeing one due to my wife’s kidney stones, which is another story).   He checked everything out and said my wife was not likely to miscarry.  He was a pretty funny doc, which put us at ease.  Plus his last name is a national holiday, so I’ll refer to him as Dr. Labor Day.

We went back to see Dr. Labor Day later in the month.  He saw something during the ultrasound concerning the development of our daughter; we have to come back to get rechecked in six weeks.  I’ll talk more about it in next month’s transparency report (cliffhanger!).

This month, I’ve thought a lot about hope, about maximizing the time given us.  I don’t see life as being short.  I see life as a gift given to us.  We choose what we do with that gift.  Our daughter is a gift to my wife and I.  We thought we had lost that gift, but as a friend of mine said about her, “she’s a tough broad.”  Yes, she is.

 

On a different note, this month, I’ve been reading “Escape From Cubicle Nation” by Pamela Slim. I’m reading it like a textbook to create the life I really want.  I highly recommend it.  I’m going through it slow, I’m on Chapter Five and I’m taking notes and absorbing all I can.

Also, I read something at Colleen Wainwright’s website about self-hewing.  It is a two-part article in which Colleen makes an outstanding point about staying true to yourself and not conforming because you think it is what you should do or what will catapult you to success quicker.  Emulating other people to recreate their success for your life isn’t doing anyone any good.  Especially you.  I’m figuring that out with life unrestricted.  Not making this website like the big boys and girl’s sites or anybody else’s website.  But make it my own.

 

Thanks for reading here for another month.  May peace be with you, may peace be multiplied.

 

[photo of me by Wesley Rose]

3 Comments

  • What a story! I’m glad that the ending changed halfway through, but knowing you (and knowing you further after reading your nephrological saga), I have no doubt that you would have have managed any outcome with grace and equanimity.

    Glad you’re reading Escape. It’s the best book in its immediate genre, and one of the best self-help books I’ve read, period. Pam Slim = good stuff.

    And honored that my humble mini-series made this month’s cut. Spankin’ awesome!

  • Hi Colleen,
    It has been an interesting series of events over the past several years, but as my Great-Grandmother would say, “I wouldn’t trade anything for my journey.”

    I’m honored you stopped by and appreciate the kind words, thank you so much. Take care and happy spankin’ Cinco de Mayo!

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