Cyborg Service

caseorganic: now with less organic
Cyborg, thy name is Customer Service

Aaron Parecki via Compfight

 

Your call is very important to us
Please hold for the next available representative.
Your call is very important to us
Please hold for the next available representative.

Oh Cyborg Lady
With your cold, surgical voice
Devoid of all passion or breath.
Why do you seek to assimilate me
Into thy fearful circuitry?

Thank you for holding
Your call will be answered in the order it was received.

The weight is brutal.
Minutes burden ever so heavy as time pulls
The corners of my mouth, like gravity.
It looks like a sunny day, I’ve forgotten how the light feels.
I stare out, with a constant reminder of how important I am
And how I’m being processed.

Thank you for calling __________, this is ___________
How may I direct your call? 

[Which, when translated, means:
“Oh, you’re still on the line?  I’ve gone to the bathroom
and gotten a cup of coffee h
oping I wouldn’t have to deal with you.
But no, here you are.  Fabulous.

So why are you bothering me
and who can I pawn you off on?]

Yes hi, I need help with
Yes, my account number is
No ma’am, we did not read the 14 page Terms and Conditions
What fine print
No ma’am, all we need is
So you’re telling me that _______ can’t do
No ma’am, my cell phone is dying and I don’t want to be trans…

Your call is very important to us
Please hold for the next available representative.

 

 

[Poem #136.  Author’s Note:  I wish this poem was an exaggeration.  The company my wife was on the phone with today is a very large, well known brand.  Yes, the lady actually asked if we read the fine print.  In 2012.  This poem was going to be about something different, but perhaps you can relate to this scenario as well.  Shout out to all the Trekkers too!]

 

 

 

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