Daring To Move

Go Alessandro Pautasso via Compfight

 

Penitent posturing ought to be enough.
The right words were said with the right cadence.
Still nothing changes and I blame heaven for the offense.
All the while my feet are stationary.
For I must be the one to move.
Closer.
Deeper.
Move into the dark depths of my soul.
Where I myself fear to unlock.
Where I keep my tell tale wounds covered with distractions.
Like productivity, like sex, like religion.
All the while my wounds beat
Louder.
baBUM. baBUM. baBUM!

I’m faced with the dilemma
Face my fear or drown in denial.
Revelation or tribulation.
Fight or flight.
Peeling back the layers is unbearable.
Run! Hide! Pretend all is good and give other people the answers.
baBUM! baBUM! baBUM!
To heal or not to heal.
Deal with my pain or keep running the race with a broken ankle.
“I’m great thanks.  And here is what you should do with your life.”

The choice is there
Demanding movement.
Shall we begin?

 

[Poem #239. Context: Sometimes Most of the time I pray expecting God to do all the heavy lifting.  It’s like I’m saying, “Hey God, I prayed so I need you to fix this problem in my life.  Now would be good.” What really hurts is not only is my problem not magically fixed, but it tends to get worse.  A friend of mine pointed out that I/we need to take responsiblity and do the work.  My prayer isn’t the hard part, my hard part is doing something about my problem/issue/wound in a healthy, positive way.

That is just about the hardest thing one can do, to not run or distract but wrestle with our pain and push through.  I’m learning this, daring myself to move.  Perhaps we can all do this together.]

2 Comments

  • Jermaine,

    I want to encourage you! Don’t discredit the voice you have in the midst of pain and brokenness. Sometimes, when we don’t think we have the answers, and we wonder why in the world God has given us a voice in the midst of it, it’s so others will know they are NOT ALONE… and knowing you are NOT ALONE is a POWERFUL thing. It’s okay to ask the hard questions, and it’s also MORE than okay not to have the answers. Let the pain do its job. Even if it rattles you to the core and rips your soul from one end to the other- grief surrendered in humility and honesty before JESUS becomes something incredibly *BEAUTIFUL*… every single time.

    I appreciate your honesty, friend. Hold fast. 🙂

    • Shanda, thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement. It is amazing the power of the internal story we tell ourselves. I like what you wrote, “let the pain do its job.” We go through pain for a reason, learning from it is most beneficial. Good vibes to you and your fam and thanks so much for reading!

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