“I’m doing this for my kid(s)”. Why has that become the acceptable declaration of change? It’s like changing for ourselves is somehow less valid.
Yet, if we change for ourselves, our kid(s) will ultimately benefit. The same is true when we say, “I’m doing this for my family.”
If you do something personal for someone else, is that greater motivation to change than if you do it for yourself? Does the thought of doing something for someone else give us greater accountability?
In my professional life, I’ve had hundreds of conversations with people trying to quit substance abuse, or desiring to change a negative part of their life. The same phrases keep coming up, “I want to be clean for my kids or I want to be sober for my family.” Rarely does anyone say, “I’m doing this for me.”
Does the feeling of letting someone else down become a motivator? I have a wife now, baby girl coming later this year. There are things in my life I want to change, but I’m doing it for me. My wife and child and those around me will benefit from it.
I did dialysis for 3 years, 6 months for me. Poked, surgery after surgery, being sick from dialysis each session, in out of the ER, and I went through all that for me. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it was difficult.
Yet, I knew that if I did my part to stay alive and somewhat healthy, the people around me will benefit. If you quit a negative behavior, those around you will benefit. The same if you start a positive habit, those around you will definitely be blessed by it. [Of note: there is nothing new this month about my kidney health. Kidd Rokkney is doing his kidney thing quite well. My creatinine is looking good, and I’m starting to exercise a little.]
Our change, our love starts with us first, then it flows to other people. Do it for yourself, you are worth it.
What do you think? Do it for ourselves or do it for them?[photo by Vince Alongi]