Heavy

Amor I love you Miriam C de Souza via Compfight

 

I saw her stare reflected back as mine
We, took turns giving birth to awkward pauses
I tried so hard to be cool
Turns out I was the jester of the day.

She spoke of things with weak support
Things which fell for lack of holding my attention
Yet my interest was in her interested in me
Hindsight, a cruel and cleansing therapy.

 

There there with fingers crossed and tongues tied
It’s so spankin’ heavy, the day my forever died
I felt such affection, I don’t want to be lonely or free
As I fade from your story into obscurity.

 

I even subscribed my own inner narrative
Of how we would be you and me a forever WE
And I can’t get you no I don’t want to be free
Of you from my mind, my very heart consumed.

The weight of knowing I’m a “really good friend”
Gots me all tangled up in self-loathing masked as “whatever”
What’s wrong with me? I’m scared to change.
Wait, here comes someone new
I’ll pretend to be what she likes
Hit repeat to do this this funky dance again.

 

There with fingers crossed and tongues tied
It’s so spankin’ heavy, the day, the day my forever died
I felt such affection, I don’t want to be lonely or free
Hindsight such a cruel and honest therapy.

 

Love. Me. Free

I can’t do, I can’t dive down to that tender place.

Love. Me. Free.

I don’t want to do it, I need somebody to come get me.

Love. Me. Free.

I need to love me, it weighs more than I can bear.

Love. Me…

 

Oh there, with fingers crossed and tongues tied
It’s so mother mother heavy, the day my denial died.
I’m worthy of affection, I don’t want to be this way another day
Excuse me as I work on the craft of a better story.

 

 

[Poem #233]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *