I hope she likes me.
I want her to see how much I care.
How I think about thinking about her.
How I try to download her from my day dreams into my night dreams
Because dreaming about planets and dogs chasing me is getting a bit old.
I have all these ideas, but I don’t want to come on too strong.
But what is too strong?
So if I did nothing, would I come on too weak?
Has any woman ever said
I’ve gotta be with this guy, he’s too weak and I love it?
Nah son, I’m rolling deep with flowers
I’m talking roses and Chrysanthemummums
(No, I don’t know how to spell it our pronounce it
But I heard they are her favorite.)
Yeah man, I’m like Shakespeare 2.0 baby!
I’m leaving sonnets under her windshield wipers.
I can quote from “The Notebook”. Yeah, you heard right.
I’ve downloaded every Katherine Heigl movie, I’m ready to rock.
In my own head
Reality just sent me a text: We need to talk.
Never, in the history of history has that ever led to something good.
We need to talk, because I baked you double chocolate brownies!
Nah kid, no brownies this time.
She comes over to say:
I’m too nice and she doesn’t deserve this kind of effort.
(I should leave my own house right now.)
She said she’s not the right woman for me.
(Please stop talking.)
She said she even prayed about it.
(Whoa whoa whoa, you prayed about it? What the?
You’re bringing the Lord into this? Really?)
I’ll find someone sweet who would appreciate all of this.
(If I kissed her right now, I wonder what would happen.)
But she’s not that person
(I’m the biggest idiot in the world.
But I have to keep smiling because, you know
Don’t want her to feel awkward)
But you know what?
(I think she is going to say it.
You’re daggers have pierced me enough
You don’t have to pull out the katana.)
We can still be friends
(Shazam, she wielded her blade like a samurai warrior. Off with his head!)
Now I have to respond?
See, this is where I’m frustrated.
We live in the future, the spankin future!
Where is my iTeleport?
Why isn’t there a device or app
Where I can instantly disappear at times like this.
So, I can take photographs with my “telephone” but I can’t teleport with it?
So what am I supposed to say?
Umm…can I take back the poem I just read?
Do you still have the receipt for the roses?
Because I can buy a PS3 game for what they cost me.
Also, can you help me look on the floor
I think my manpride rolled under your Nine West shoe.
So I did the only thing I could do.
I consoled her, told her it was okay and yes, we can still be friends.
I then left, went home, and played Call of Duty until I passed out.
Oh great, now you want to dream about her?
[Poem #17. Image by Reinis Traidas via Flickr and a Creative Commons License.]