Maundy

Maundy

#57 - The Night Light

 

 

We arrived at our last meal together.
Tonight it ends. They ask which one is my favorite.
Who is the greatest?
So I’ll wash their feet so they see love through service.

Here, right now, I wash the feet of my betrayer.
I look into his eyes, he looks into mine.
My friend, Judas. Why? After all we have been through
He smiles at me, as if I don’t know what is coming in a few hours
I fight back tears and anger.

I break bread, I serve them wine.
I tell them this is me, so they will always remember
Remember. Me…
I can’t hold it back any longer.
I tell them, one of them will betray me.
One of them, one of my friends will…
The “Who is your favorite talk” quickly turns to accusation and denial.
“Who would do this?”  “Oh, I would never betray you.”
I want to believe you Peter, I do.  But it hurts too much.
I know how the night will end, denied thrice before the rooster awakens the sun.

Judas and I both reach for bread and lock eyes again.
His eyes are wide open, but I see The Deceiver behind his eyes.
The true betrayer, the liar, from the very beginning of time.
The Deceiver winks at me, and Judas runs away.
Before the rest of the guys charge off after him,
I suggest we go to the Garden.

The Garden, Gethsemane. In the Mount of Olives. Our safe place.
We often come here to laugh, to talk. Our escape.
My heart is overwhelmed, I need the solace of the Garden.
I need to talk it out, I need my friends.
I tell them I am going to pray, wait up for me.
Yes, it is late, but the night will become much longer than you realize.

I find a place in solitude and it all comes out.
Father, is there some other way?
I drop to my knees, I’ve never felt anguish like this before.
I know what must be done, I know why.
But all I feel is so much pain.
I wipe my brow, am I sweating or bleeding?
I wonder if the guys are awake, I’ll go check.

How can you all be sleeping? HOW?  Peter?  John?  James?
Do you not know what is coming, what I’ve been telling you for years.
It begins tonight. Tomorrow I…
I go back to where I was, almost crawling back thinking about what will happen
Tomorrow.
I beg the Father, bless my friends. I know they need slumber.
They are a great group of guys, they will carry on.
Bless the ones who will come later. The ones who will read of this, who will hear and question.
Bless them, they have the difficult task of love. They can do it. They can love.

I am on my knees, weeping, grabbing the ground. My body is quivering, I’m screaming thinking about this cup.
This sorrow I must drink. Tomorrow, I take it all on. Everything. I must…so they can live. Free.
I feel an arm on my back to comfort me, it is an angel.
I’ll be with you again soon, old friend.

I walk back to my guys. I wake them, for they are coming.
I see The Deceiver in the shadows, leaning next to a tree.
He blows me a kiss, just before Judas and the soldiers arrive.
I steady myself
Not my will Father, but yours be done.

As Judas walks toward me, betrayal dripping from his lips.
I shake my head and fight back a smile.
They think they have won.
The Deceiver is practically doing somersaults in the background.
They all think it is over. Oh, how silly of them.
Yes, I know what will happen the rest of the night.
And yes, I know what will happen tomorrow.
Arrest me, beat me, mock me, hang me out to dry.
You think this is the end?
We’ve only just begun…

 

[photo by JohnONolan]
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