The Small Changes

dragon jade Shooting Chris via Compfight

 

You think this time it will work.  You’ll change, you’ll improve not because anyone thinks you should.  No, who do they think they are to tell you how to live your life. This time, this time it’s personal.

There are so many voices floating in the ether. “Write down your goals.” “Do less of this; do more of that.” “I did it this way and it worked for me so, you know, I can’t understand why it wouldn’t work for you.”

You think to yourself, “If I read this book or subscribe to this blog or only had more money, then I could change.  Then I could do ______.”

 

***

A month goes by.  Then three more. A year of research because knowledge is power.

Your frustration levels increase because nothing is happening, really.  Like a sponge, data is soaked in until you feel heavy from the saturation.  And that isn’t what a sponge is for.

 

***

This is me.  I’ve found it is so easy to hide, to convince myself, “I’m doing the work” when all is done is the opposite of change.  Perhaps  I’ve had a moment of clarity or I’ve spankin’ slapped myself out of it, but I realize that is not how change works.  Change involves movement, discomfort, pain, and a heaping tablespoon of “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Our…my comfort zone is such a powerful place to exist.  It’s like trying to break the gravitational pull of a black hole or the tractor beam of the Starship Enterprise.  Fear and comfort are so insidious, so subversive, it is hard to notice most of the time.  (Aside: I’ve found it funny that other people immediately know and feel the need to inform you about yourself. Yup. Back to the story.)

We all want change.  We all desire something, tangible or intangible.  It is the fear and desire for comfort that rallies against us.  Our old friend fear…

I did something about it, an experiment.  I wrote down everything that scares me.  No, not things like spiders or Zoot, but the intangible things that cause me to hide and not move forward.  I’m starting to do those things on the list.  The things that scare the manamana out of me.  Not to do things in big, bombastic ways.  I’ve been there before and found that fear loves and welcomes hype.

No, the small things that leave impact and value.  To go along with my theme for the year, “Initiate Vulnerability.”

The small things of change.  One day, one moment at a time.  I invite you to do the same and we can compare stories. 🙂

 

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